I've had a lot on my mind lately but, it was all such a mess in my head that I couldn't figure out what to say. I saw you two days ago. We spent the day together with our son and it was hard, its always hard. I feel like the days after, I spend detoxing off of you. It hurts and all I want it you. I want just a little bit of you, to talk to you or see you or feel you for just a second. Its like getting a quick fix until the next time. It gets so hard to breathe, so hard to think for at least the first four days after I see you and then when they pass I start to think I'm ok. I think to myslef that I'm fine, I'm ok without him, I'll be ok without him. I can't breathe those first days and I hate it. When I'm finally ok you're back and its just a constant painful cycle that feels like its never going to end. I love you, I love you so much it hurts. When are you going to stop hurting me? Please, please stop hurting me.
I love you,
Samantha
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