Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Love You But I Can't

Dear Micah,

I couldn't sleep last night. I kept having dreams about you, more like nightmares. It dawned on me that you didn't love me. I think what you loved was the idea of a relationship and a family and since I in one with you, you thought you loved me. I thought about our relationship and why it went so far downhill and I hate that you've hurt me so much for so long and I hate that I allowed you to continue to do and just kept forgiving you for it. Whether you choice to believe me or not I did forgive you every time I just, you never allowed me to the time to forget it because you constantly made the same mistakes. How, how could you do that to me? How could you choose those other woman over me and our son? A man that loves us would have made the simple choice to never speak to them again since he doesn't understand the difference between right and wrong; what's appropriate and inappropriate. The day before my birthday why would you tell another woman how speechless you are by her beauty? Why do you only comment on the women's pictures that are provocative or luring? Why even like them? Days after our son was born why are you more concerned with other woman than him? You constantly put us second to those other woman. Even now, the days you don't concern yourself to ask about him or say you're too busy is bullshit. I know for a fact you're not to busy to talk to your "girl friends", not to busy to like their pictures and write to tell. I wish I knew anymore what I saw in you, I wish I knew before hand that you are a manipulative liar. You care for no one but yourself and if you think for a minute any of those woman wouldn't stop talking to you if their significant other didn't feel comfortable you're wrong. You're that guy those woman you chose feel sorry for and talk to just to kinda make you feel better about yourself not the other way around. Those woman don't need you, and the only people who did you didn't choose to fight to keep. You just threw us away like you have other options. I can't love you anymore, I don't want to love a man that can't grow up and make responsible choices, a man that's so selfish and cares only for his own selfish needs. I don't want to love a man that has made me more trust less and insecure about myself than I was before, more than any man has ever mad me feel. You're a child, a little boy that wants everything but doesn't understand or want to take on the responsibility of it all. You are wrong to ever think any woman would allow or be okay with their boyfriend to talk to other women the way you have, that anyone of them would be OK with not feeling attractive anymore. I'm a beautiful woman inside and out and you've brought out so much of the dark in me that I honestly never really thought I had inside. You have changed me and though you helped me in some ways for the better you've also changed me for the worse. You're right that we can't be together, because I could never be with you unless you choose us. You cant have both anymore, it would only be me and our son or the woman. I highly doubt though that you'd ever choose your family over them you just care to much about what they have to say and what they think of you. I hope one day you would make the right decision because if not I fear you will forever be alone. I love you but I can't.


No comments:

Post a Comment