Monday, January 6, 2014

Not the best of days

Dear Micah,

I couldn't control my tears this morning. It hurts so much. I miss you so much. I miss how happy we were before. I think about everything before that first argument and everything was so perfect. Its constantly going through my mind that not being together means I don't have you. It means that someday you'll be with someone else and happy with that person. As much as all I want is for you to be happy what I want more than that is for you to be happy with me. I want us to be together as a family with our son but, I know that won't happen because you can't try anymore and in part its my fault. I wish with all my heart that you don't really give up on us and I hope you'll come back to me and realize that we are perfect for each other. Yes we fight a lot but I think it's because we moved to fast and because we both can't let things go. I think if we took the time to really understand each others feelings and really forgave each other then we could move forward. We are so open with each other and have the same sense of humor. We have the same thoughts almost all the time. We are practically made for each other, so why can't we move past this? One thing that really bothered me that I don't think you understood or maybe I never said it, one thing is that you didn't give me the closure I needed to forgive you. You hurt me and when you did you never just said I'm sorry, I love you, please forgive me. That's what I really wanted from you and I never got that, so I couldn't let it go completely. You always defended yourself or the other persons actions and feelings. Every time you did that you made me feel like my feelings didn't matter. Like how I felt about the subject was stupid and ridiculous, that it was not a big deal so whatever. How am I suppose to trust you when that's what I'm seeing and hearing, you didn't even show me you were sorry. I love you but you've hurt me and it always felt like you didn't care that you did because you didn't see it as wrong.

                                                      I love you still,

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